The Magic of a Man Hearing a Woman Express Herself

One of the greatest gifts a man can offer a woman is to truly hear her.

Women and men hear each other in very different ways.

The feminine principle, as lived in a woman, is largely expressed through feeling, through being rather than doing, and through expressing whatever it is she is experiencing.

Therein lies one of the greatest challenges I see in relationships. Women often don't feel heard.

Or have you ever noticed how many women say, "I just feel so deeply heard"?

It's almost funny because we all know how prevalent it is. Women hardly ever say they feel too heard. They almost always say they don't feel heard. And there is a lot of resentment that goes along with that.

Yet there is a beautiful—and actually quite easily attainable—breakthrough available for both when a man realizes how easy it actually is to hear a woman.

Quite literally, she needs someone to hear her. Not solve her problems. Not even necessarily understand what she's saying.

Most of the time, we women don't fully understand what's going on inside us either.

It isn't until after we have expressed ourselves that we arrive at a better understanding of ourselves.

Expression, for us, is usually the first step toward understanding ourselves.

For a man, that is very strange. Men usually don’t like to express themselves until they have thoroughly analyzed, understood, and solved the problem (at least in their head). For a man it is not natural that a woman just needs to blurt everything out in order to arrive at a better understanding and later to a solution.

That's why women have such a reputation for chatting, calling one another, talking for hours, and processing absolutely everything.

Generally speaking, women have a great capacity to hear one another. And so when a man doesn’t hear us, we think they don’t care or love us enough.

Men generally don't have an innate ability to hear a woman. But it's remarkably easy to learn.

The reason men don't naturally have that capacity is that they're listening in a different way.

They're listening for:

"How can I solve this?"

"What can I do to make this better?"

"How can I fix this?"

That's simply inherent in how many men operate and how the masculine principle informs them from within.

And it's a wonderful gift.

To have a man who naturally wants to make life better and solve problems is a tremendous gift.

However, when it comes to a woman's need to express herself, that way of listening is like kryptonite.

Once a man understands what actually constitutes hearing a woman, all of that can be solved easily.

Literally, on the spot.

It's difficult for him to do, but very simple.

A man basically has to switch the lens through which he is listening.

He needs to temporarily switch off the automatic questions:

"What's wrong?"

"How can I fix it?"

Once that lens is switched off, he can simply hear her expression.

She may be talking about a coworker who rubbed her the wrong way.

A health concern that worries her.

A mother-in-law who did something that upset her.

As women, we need to verbalize and express what is inside us so that we can make sense of it. That new order or understanding emerges by itself from within, after we express ourselves.

That's why so many women love journaling.

And although journaling is a beautiful way of expressing and articulating ourselves—and it works really well—the healing power contained in a man hearing us with love is unparalleled.

I'm not only sharing with you a major key to transforming the issue of women not feeling heard.

I'm also sharing with you how to create a deep, ongoing healing experience within a relationship.

He needs to switch his lens.

Instead of trying to fix her, he simply says:

"I hear you."

"Is there anything else you'd like to express?"

"Tell me more."

"What else?"

"Is there more?"

As long as it is said with respect and care—not in a condescending or judgmental way. The moment there is the slightest hint of impatience or belittling, it goes south.

It's all in the tone.

What's shocking to both women and men is what happens next.

Every time a woman pauses and he gently says:

"Is there anything else?"

Another layer comes out.

Men are often terrified this is going to go on forever.

And it will go on forever if the woman doesn't feel heard.

Because she'll keep talking. When a woman doesn’t feel heard, she talks more, talks faster, becomes more and more aggravated, maybe starts to accuse him because she is so tired of not being heard…..and then, there comes the dreaded disconnect.

She won’t feel heard, and now she has an additional, much bigger issue to deal with than the one she started out with. Now she is hurting, she is angry, and she starts wondering if she picked the wrong guy altogether and in her mind starts plotting the breakup or divorce. Ever been there?

But if he can hear her...

And respond with those simple little sentences:

"I hear you."

"What else happened?"

"Tell me more."

She gets complete with expressing herself very, very quickly.

It surprises even her how quickly she feels complete.

It surprises him.

And when she is complete, she's done.

And now something miraculous happens.

Once a woman has been fully heard in her expression, she automatically regains access to her own inner flow. That too is the magic of a woman’s nature. There is a flow inside her, and when she knows how to get into that flow, and he knows how to support her in returning to that flow, miracles happen for both of them.

Maybe she's cooking, changing the baby, driving to work, gardening. Whatever she may be doing, she now has access again to her inner flow, which begins rearranging her understanding and feelings of the very situation she was talking about. There is relief. Maybe even clarity. And most likely, it will just drop away.

The man never has to figure it out.

He never has to solve it.

He never has to fix it.

Unless, of course, there's something they genuinely need to resolve together. But that's a different topic for a different day.

What I'm describing here is the day-to-day need for expression that women have.

If her man can facilitate that, things move very quickly. And it creates an enormous amount of connection.

And by the way, gentlemen... in women, connection leads to intimacy. Which often leads to what you value most. Hint, hint.

When a man can hear his woman, everyone wins.