A New Way Into Love

A different way forward in relationship.

I am so proud of you for being here, for considering giving love another chance, for looking for a new way in.

As women, we most often feel that we have been disappointed, hurt, let down, and abandoned by men.

I want you to know, there is nothing wrong with you. This is the state of relationship dynamics all through humankind. You are not the problem. Yet, you are deeply affected by it, and nothing feels more personal than this.

The dynamics of heterosexual, romantic relationships are more than complicated, more than difficult. In fact, many stand to say it is basically rigged to not work.

But that is not true.

We just have to take a whole new approach. Maybe you know the quote by Einstein, that we have to move outside of the paradigm of where the problem occurred to find the solution.

That is the journey I am here to take you on. And the destination of that journey is you having the relationship you want. Literally, you having your happily ever after. Because you know what? It is possible. Not by luck, not by chance, not because of some unknown past life deed, nope. By taking a whole new approach that allows you to change up the paradigm of relationship altogether, once and for all.

Ready?

So let’s start with acknowledging that men are just as wounded as women are. Especially in the relationship arena. In fact, they often feel completely at a loss, because relating and connecting isn’t even in the wheelhouse of masculine energy. It is in ours, the feminine.

The masculine wounding that we do need to become familiar with, so we can Tai-Chi around it successfully (and not get taken down and/or kicked out), looks and feels totally different than feminine wounding. And thus, we rarely recognize it for what it is. All we see is unavailable, closed off, promiscuous, non-committal, etc. And that often leads us to react in ways that end up hurting us more. So we need to start to learn what is going on underneath that show of bravado, independence, or even callousness.

Let’s also acknowledge that there’s a natural instinct of wanting to retaliate, of wanting to get from under that endlessly yucky feeling of feeling powerless against all the crap that comes our way.

Have you ever felt just so dismayed and/or furious over not being able to make him change and see what he is missing out on? It would be so easy, but there is just no way you can make him get it. I have. So many times!

One way many women have dealt with that terrible feeling is by just becoming so very independent. Making themselves feel and believe that they don’t need men at all. That they are better off without them. And thankfully, the feminist movement has made it such that, as a woman, you have all the legal, educational, and financial freedoms that men have available to them. So yes, we can be independent and make a life, a beautiful life for ourselves without “one of them.” Sure. I do consider that massive improvement over being financially dependent on men and having our relational needs not met at all. But I dare to say, we are still missing that love. And that is why you are here. So let’s get to it.

Being in a happy relationship with a man who loves and cherishes us, and whom we are deeply in love with, is delicious beyond anything. And it takes courage to admit that. Because invariably, almost always, we know we will end up feeling weak, pining, at a loss. And boy oh boy, do we not want to feel that way ever again.

Somehow, we’re going to have to figure this out. This thing of standing in our own power, our own sovereignty, and yet being in a deep and meaningful relationship with a man.

I’d say, let’s do this together. I am right here to help you out.

The reason why I am well equipped to assist you on this journey is that I have dived deeply into the murky layers of pain, fury, and agony so many times that I have carved out a consistent way to come out of it and weave the tapestry of love anew, sometimes on a daily basis.

The damage that has been done to the dysfunction of relationship has been so painful for such a long time that I want to actually invite you to consider that not only are you stepping forward to make a change in your own love life, but you’re actually embarking on a journey that will affect the collective.

Your work to profoundly transform your relational paradigm with men will affect how other women will experience their own healing journey in the future. The more of us who are healing deeply, the easier it becomes for future generations to navigate this too.

So, I celebrate you. I honor you for your great courage to not give up on love.

And I promise you, you do not have to do it alone.

I also promise you it’s not exactly easy. It’s not easy. But there’s nothing more satisfying than when you make progress on this journey, and love starts to feel more and more real, solid, and sweet all at once.

And maybe because it is so rewarding to make progress on this journey, it goes hand in hand with how painful it is when things aren’t going well. Endlessly painful.

And if you are in such a painful place right now, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

There is a way out. And I am here for you if you so choose.

So let’s start this journey by deeply honoring you and your courage.

I mean it. This is no small thing.

If I was wearing a hat, I would take my hat off to you.

You are, in my eyes, a heroine.

Not giving up on love, not giving up on being cherished as a woman, in my eyes, is a radical act of courage. 

So I celebrate you, I acknowledge you, I appreciate you, and I invite you to do the same.

I invite you, to acknowledge and appreciate and celebrate you for not having given up, because there’s part of you that still believes in love.